Crawling back to you

"Everybody knows that I was such a fool to ever let go of you
But I was wrong and yeah, I know I said
We'd better off alone
It was time that we moved on
Here I am
Banging on your front door
My pride's spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised
I'm crawling back to you begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth
I know you're in there
You can make me wait but I'm not going to wait
It's the least that I can do
If you could see these tears I'm crying
Touch these hands that can't stop shaking
Hear my heart that's barely beating
You would see a different man"

It was once my favourite song, from my favourite band - Backstreet boys.

Inspiring

Letting go is like pulling a tooth. When it was pulled out, you're relieved, but how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was? Probably a hundred times a day. Just because ti was not hurting you doesn't mean you did not notice it. It leaves a gap and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It's going to take a while, but it takes time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you so much pain. Therefore, move on and let go.

A song for myself, from my friend

你无怨无悔的爱着那个人
我知道你根本没有那么坚强
你总是心太软
把所有的问题都自己扛
相爱总是简单相处太难
不是你的就别再勉强
夜深的你还不想睡
你还在想着他吗?
你这样痴情倒底累不累
明知他不会回来安慰
只不过想好好爱一个人  

算了吧
就这样忘了吧该放就放
再想也没有用
傻傻等待他也不会回来
你总该为自己想想未

I hate these times when I get to know the truth myself. I'd rather that person be honest and tell me, so at least I can know how to deal with it. When I have to just dig out the truth myself, it's hard to confront the people involved. I really hate it. I'm in such position whereby there's nothing I can do but only suck it up. Why? Cause I'm supposed to be kept in the dark. 

To everyone out there: before you say or do something, please think of the consequences. You may do it out of impulse/anger (normally), but please still at least have a short time to think of the consequences. Sometimes you may think its nothing big, but you may also not know to others, it's certainly something big. What's more, don't hurt someone who is dear to you.

I wish I could solve everything that is my head now. I don't want to drag it anymore but I just couldn't do it. It takes time and yet I can't go on any longer.. My limit is snapping soon.. Real soon...

Times like this, I just need you to be there like you always do and not just kinda kick me away.

I think I'm having serious trust issues again. Even the closest can hurt you deeply, you won't even know. Just tell/teach me.... How do I handle all these problems I have :( I don't want to run away from them. I want to solve them.

Months of effort... Gone in just a minute. Definitely not a fair exchange, but there's nothing I can do. People out there may not trust me anymore. I have no idea how to make them trust me again. I'm not afraid if they dont trust me, as long as I know I did not do it. So it's up to you. You can think I'm so fake or whatever that floats your boat, but I can only say I am not what others say. I am and have always been me. If you can be so easily swayed just by words of others, then I guess you don't trust and don't know me well enough. If you know me well enough, you wouldn't have made this choice, we wouldn't have ended up this way. I can understand if it's just a time of confusion. I really hope we can talk things out. I really don't want us to end up this way.. 

If you are willing to come clean with me, I am willing to forgive. Really.

But will you ever be willing to come clean with me?

P/S: I told you every single thing but you still didn't. You chose to hide it from me. (don't know if hide is the right word but that's the only word I can think of)

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone,

all of my doubts suddenly goes away somehow.

I have died everyday waiting for you.

Darlin' don't be afraid

I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

I will be brave

I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me